Shadows

So yeah...you can't run from your shadow.  It seems to always follow you.

Hello shadow.  I'm gonna leave you in the past.  It's time for a new shadow.

This is my story.  I am divorced not once but twice.  I have two girls ages 15 and 12.  Two different fathers.  Life has been a challenge because of choices I made years ago.  I don't deal with dead beat dads, but half beat dads.  What's a girl to do?

I should be THANKFUL that I do get child support.  A lot of single mama's don't.  But as we know raising kids isn't cheap.  The older they get the more it costs.  And just for kicks let's throw in sports...basketball, volleyball, track.

My mama has been gone since 2007.  God knows I miss that woman.  I have no family near me.  Just me and my girls.  Doing it solo.

Right now I know that my attitude is not positive.  One dad has decided to check out.  Can anyone say controlling?  So I guess if he can't control me any more he'll try to control our daughter.  I see counseling in the very near future.  I know the damage that verbal abuse can do.  Don't want to walk that path again...especially through my daughter's eyes.

I started this blog to get all these feelings out.  No matter how negative they are.  I just want peace and joy.  Time is slipping away.  Kids are growing up fast.  So hey, let's do life and make it the best we can.  No second chances.  We only get one shot.

Time for dreams to come true.  It's not too late.

Noise

"Tremble and do not sin; when you're on your beds search your heart and be silent."  -Psalm 4:4

Some things to think about from youth group last week:

• When was the last time you spent some time in TOTAL silience?
• Why is silence so hard to deal with?
• Is there a correlation between silence and the ability to evaluate your heart?  Is that why we like noise, so we don't have to look at our lives?
• Have you spent the same amount of time worrying and talking about your difficult, confusing situations as you have spent in silence, listening to what God might have to say?  Do you sometimes avoid silence because you're afraid of what God might actually have to say?
• What are some things in your daily life you could change to eliminate some of the noise?

Noise...so much around us do we even notice?  Have we gotten so use to noise?  I remember when my Mama passed in 2007 and the Angels would leave every other weekend.  I'd be at the house alone.  No noise.  Silence.  At first it was nerve racking.  I cried.  But I pressed into the silience.  And eventually, the noise started getting on my nerves.  I needed the silence.

Now, I take the silence for granted.  Such a shame.  Silence has so much to say.  I think a part of me is afraid of what silence might have to say, but a part of me knows that it would only be for my benefit.

Angels in the Room

Broken Wings - Flyleaf Lyrics

"Broken Wings"

Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me
Oh, you're everything to me
I'm thinking all the time
How to tell you what I feel
I'm contemplating phrases
I'm gazing at eternity
I am floating in serenity

And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed

Please don't go just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever

Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream
So close your eyes
but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts
Carried by 1000 broken wings